@The_Sculptress: Remember that time when you didn't call, & a giraffe round house kicked your neck, & you fell off a merry-go-round & died?nnSo sad. Really.
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@BakedElle: I now pronounce you internet boyfriend and girlfriend. You may put your hand down your pants and kiss your phone.
@living_marble: "Arise! Arise! Foul creatures, I command that you arise! ARISE!" "Dad, just once, couldn't you let mom or the alarm clock wake us?" "ARISE!"
@TheMichaelRock: HR: You can't urinate outside. Me: Then how will we keep the jellyfish away? HR: Can you take a drug test? Me: Nope, I'm all out of urine