@StellaRtwot: Remember when everyone died before gluten-free bread?
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@Marlebean: "Say TGIF ONE more time" I say, scowling at my coworker with no children, "Go ahead, say it again."
@MrsTomServo: Women want men they can fix; men want girls they can save; I want a sandwich that makes itself.
@zachreinert03: In Texas you're allowed to shoot someone just for being on your property. Man if I lived there I'd host sooo many parties