@KevinFarzad: Remember when we spent an entire year learning cursive? That's why the other countries are winning.
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@noduffers: I just called one ex a calculator and another a potential murder victim so if you're looking for metaphors, I'm probably the grapefruit.
@melgabored: BIDEN (whispering) Barack. Psst, Barack. Barack, turn around. OBAMA Joe, I'm a little busy. BIDEN I love you.
@Ibeerya: Saw a couple standing in the park holding each other tightly, silently, not moving. I was touched. Both their phones must've been stolen.
@NikiWithIssues: I hate airplanes and flying. It's like someone throwing a can full of people over the ocean and hoping someone in Europe will catch it.