@PolhunterP: Remember when you could strangle people with your phone? Those were the days..
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@Kyle_Lippert: "How'd you die?" "I got shot trying to save my fellow soldiers lives in war. You?" "I got trampled trying to save on a flat screen" "Oh.."
@AndyAsAdjective: *bolts upright in bed, instantly wide awake in the middle of the night* "FIRE TRUCKS SHOULD BE CALLED WATER TRUCKS"
@BruceForce: Day 1: Brad wears no pants Day 2: Brad wears no pants Day 3: Brad wears no pants ... ... This is just a bottomless Pitt
@419BillE: Friend- "You're drunk." Me- *mocking voice* "You're drunk." Friend- "Stop." Me- *morphs into clone of friend* "Stop."