@outrrracheous: Remember: You don't owe anybody anything. Unless they killed someone for you. Then they probably deserve a nice gift card.
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@WilliamAder: Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.
@man_spach: When my cats look out the window at another cat I like to pretend they're judging and disparaging it with little British accents.
@TheresNoGodzila: When I see a kid on a leash I assume they were a dog turned into a kid by a witch & the owners have yet to figure out how to turn them back.
@VerifiedDrunk: Finally nailed my girlfriend and her twin last night You know how I tell them apart? Her brother has a mustache.