@Donna_McCoy: Replace someone's MRI with a dancing skeleton gif once, and you'll never be asked to deliver bad news again.
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@FlyJ_: You know that one relative that is annoying AF and no one in the family can tolerate? Yeah, she's staying at my house this week.
@Karissajem: Me: I have a memory like an elephant. Him: Elephants get drunk all the time and forget everything too? Me: Yes.
@david8hughes: [taking baby's shoes off] Oh what a surprise. Clean soles. It's almost as if you were carried everywhere.