@Donna_McCoy: Replace someone's MRI with a dancing skeleton gif once, and you'll never be asked to deliver bad news again.
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@DepressedDarth: That awkward moment when your stormtrooper army loses a battle to a bunch of teddy bears with sticks and stones.
@novicefather: I save an average of $5 per tank of gas by filling up at Costco. I'll have enough saved to buy a house in about 1,200 years.
@BlindChow: [unleashes dog at dog park] me: don't embarrass me now dog: i won't *sees pretty girl* me: hi, i'm– dog: he drinks wine through a straw