@TheFakeCNN: Report: Scientist walks in on climate changing, awkwardness ensues
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@thesulk: "Wanna pop a xanax in the Civic and kayak with mom and dad at noon?" "Can't. Scared." "Of the water?" "No. Palindromes."
@mattingebretson: I hate when a grocery clerk judges you for what you put on the checkout belt. I found that dead cat behind YOUR store & now I want to buy it
@teenpuke: do you qualify to be my crush? *pulls out list* *checks off has a beating heart* yup you qualify