@MJMcKean: Restaurant chain commercials should run the disclaimer "Actual food might not tumble and splash in slow motion".
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@SocialustGal13: My superpower is making red lights turn green simply by trying to write a tweet.
@JoParkerBear: It's like my Grandma always says, "I died three years ago. This is starting to get weird."
@rolldiggity: Hate when I'm being chased by a shark and I make it to land, only to find out he's tied to the back of a tiger.