@PastorBate: Restaurants drastically overestimate how much I care about which wood they smoke my bacon over.
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@tuckerflodman: [1st date] -I'm a fish whisperer. Wow, what does that mean? -*whispers* Fish. Oh... Haha um what do you- -*whispers right in her ear* Fish.
@ArfMeasures: ME: One time I was attacked by a shark REPORTER: Wow! [turns on recorder] tell us what it was like ME [leans in to mic] A massive fish