@PastorBate: Restaurants drastically overestimate how much I care about which wood they smoke my bacon over.
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@ThisOneSayz: *on phone* He: so where is this going, babe? Me: *dumps pop rocks into mouth* I can't hear you...reception's bad!!
@tillygirl3: All the Pringle ladies All the Pringle ladies All the Pringle ladies All the Pringle ladies Get their hands stuck
@GreyDeLisle: I'll never be as horrified as the kid who suddenly realizes they've been following the wrong "mom butt" at the grocery store.
@daemonic3: "Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight." -- The Swiss Army