@slimmy_shady: Retweet if you're naughty! Star if you love Jesus! Reply if you'd like to meet him!
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@JermHimselfish: Drank too much Red Bull and puked in some bushes, now three of them are breakdancing and one is taking me hang gliding next weekend.
@AimeeHelene1: I'm gonna start giving bad news to people in that cute, high pitched voice I use to talk to kids and dogs.
@GABBYdaAngSaya: [I see a cute girl reading a novel] "Hi there. I couldn't help but notice-" *points at book* "That you support the murder of trees."
@shutupmikeginn: Me: your freezer went out I had to eat all the ice cream sandwiches Friend: it looks like someone kicked the outlet back into the drywall