@stockejock: Revenge is a dish best served with a laxative that looks like chocolate.
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@Cajun_Ninja: Met this nice girl at the mall today. Her name was No. and coincidentally her number was also No.
@onion_an: [at aquarium] That's a lot of octopussys to have in a tank. "Octopi" Oh sorry...that's a lot of octopussys to occupy a tank.
@KimJungilSpirit: 4yo doctor visit: Doc: no more than 30 mins for 4yo on the iPad. I'd rather he play with mud. Me: .. Wife:.. Me: where do u download mud?