@ClaytonSykes: Revere rides a horse saying "The British are Coming"and it's heroic but I hop a pogo stick naked screaming "look at me"and it's probation?
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@beefman138: *Gets arrested for making prank phone calls [At Police Station] "You can make one phone call" *Dials random # "Is your fridge running?"
@WhtUReallyMean: I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I'm living in their attic.
@ComedicBust: When my co-worker asked me if I wanted anything from the vending machine, I can tell she wasn't expecting me to say 4 Snickers bars.
@TheAlexP: [first day of astronomy class] So, does everyone get to be an astronaut, or do we draw straws?