@bluntphilip: Rich people in movies apparently can't drink scotch without telling everyone how old it is.
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@LambyMcSheeps: if going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions
@girlontapas: Am I capable of premeditated murder? Your honor, I've been planning my cheat day for two weeks.
@Reverend_Scott: [horror movie in 2169] The killer creeps up behind the college co-eds and JUST STARTS THROWING GLUTEN EVERYWHERE [entire audience faints]
@canadasandra: [getting a massage] Me: I have tension in my lower back. *therapist begins* Me: Lower. Me: Lower. Th: But that's your a- Me: Lower!