@juliussharpe: Roadside motels are a good place to stay if you haven't decided yet whether you want to kill someone or be killed.
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@KoKeniSasquatch: Day 8 of quitting smoking: I have 376 gallons of blood to donate. Various types. None is mine.
@forcemajeure40: Apparently when I'm at Olive Garden I'm family. So why did they call the cops when I left without paying? My family never makes me pay.
@nbadag: *exorcism* DEMON: *roars* PRIEST: we must restrain him! WIFE: *opens drawer* here! *tosses fuzzy pink handcuffs* PRIEST: ... DEMON: hey now