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@UncleDuke1969: *robs neighbor's chicken coop*
*serves poached eggs*
@pattioshankable: I've discovered the best way to punish 17, is to put on the same outfit as her, then follow her around all day yelling out "TWINSIES!"
@QwertyJones3: [phone rings]
Hi, is your refrigerator running?
...well Hillary is! Hi, I'd like to talk to you about the Clinton campaign.
@TheTweetOfGod: America's Got (a very loose definition of what constitutes) Talent.
@WetzelGeek: "Some people say I'm an animal in the sack." - baby kangaroo
@UncleDuke1969: Oh boy, I am desperate!
My bowels do churn.
Too many tacos!
I never will learn.
Pardon me, Sir!
I believe it's my turn.
- Horton Has to Poo