@ComedicBust: Role playing is fun, but I'm starting to wonder why my girlfriend will only let me dress up as my brother Randy.
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@Browtweaten: Harry: I got my scar when Voldemort tried to kill me. How about you? Me, who walked into an open cabinet door: Uh, Azkaban prison riot
@BrainFumbles: How to get a woman: 1) find one who sells cars 2) take a test drive 3) just keep driving She's yours now, plus you have a new car.
@Ideal_Victoria: I’m still waiting for my date from last summer to come back from the restaurant’s bathroom… I hope everything is ok.
@thatdutchperson: *strips naked* "Magic mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" Cops: he knows we can see him from this side, right?