@ComedicBust: Role playing is fun, but I'm starting to wonder why my girlfriend will only let me dress up as my brother Randy.
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@peachgrenade: In the 1800s women were sometimes forced to wear an "A" on their clothing, signifying that they were Alvin from the Chipmunks.
@SadPeruna: If by 'the Hamptons' you mean 'my pajamas', then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons.
@DanKCharnley: [Job interview] Boss: "What's your biggest weakness?" Me: "I have no weaknesses." *clutches picture of the dolphin that killed my father*
@chrissyteigen: I am so lazy I thought about looking at the super moon and decided 2033 isn't even that far away