@ComedicBust: Role playing is fun, but I'm starting to wonder why my girlfriend will only let me dress up as my brother Randy.
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@Nursey2Be: Women are like bacon: we look good, we smell good, we taste good and we will slowly kill you.
@plank_sinatra: What if toilet plumbing was really like those tubes at the bank and all the tubes just went to this one guy's house and he's really pissed
@Jake_Vig: "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave." "But after that I'm not responsible for any more room charges, correct?"
@RexHuppke: Just once I want to see a new parent post a baby photo on Facebook with the words: "Still not sure if we like it, tbh."