@Vice_Queen: Romantic movies taught me that you always have to walk out after a big argument so that 6yrs later you can meet by chance and get married.
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@Jamie1947: [tv ad] Hey folks, this is Don Key! Come on down to Key's Automotive for.. uh- [camera still rolling] holy shit .. donkey. my name is donkey
@AnkCoupleTO: Husband: *buys her flowers* Wife: No H: *buys her jewellery* W: No H: *starts extreme couponing* W: *gives him all the sex*
@thomas_violence: the only time I can imagine clicking on a Facebook story is maybe if I got attacked by a bird while trying to do something else
@michaelianblack: Probably not a coincidence that Taylor Swift just spent $17M on a mansion only two states away from me.