@radmarco: *romantically climbs into your balcony to ask for your wifi password*
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@Tups13: Sex? When I saw you lying naked on the bed surrounded by candles I assumed you were performing a satanic ritual. What, I'm a mindreader now?
@markleggett: I just whispered "Come at me, bro" to a bug and it ran towards me, so now I'm in my car driving away from my old life.
@R_A_Dadass: Some parents sing the Clean Up song, but I just yell "I'm getting garbage bags you better hope you can pick up your toys faster than I can!"