@Deno_Tron: Roommate has date coming by later and asked me to clean bc he's not home. So I made a Princess D shrine in his room
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@ShortSleeveSuit: [on an airplane] Me: Is the pilot any good? Flight attendant: One of the best Me: [winks] How about the rest of the season?
@AdamBroud: Me: please give my compliments to the chef [later] Waiter to chef: The sweater that guy at Table 7 is wearing really brings out his eyes
@Cyd10e: 9 year-old attempts to follow a recipe: "It says here to separate the eggs. How far apart do they have to be?"
@TheMichaelRock: Ladies, if he leaves the stickers on his hat, that's his way of telling you he won't pay child support.