@BestWorstAdvice: Roosters are just edible alarm clocks
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@KevinFarzad: When walking behind someone at night, let them know you're not dangerous by yelling "DO NOT FEAR ME" very loudly
@TheTweetOfGod: Celebrity dumping an ice bucket on himself to raise money? Cute. Humanity dumping an ice cap on itself to raise sea levels? HILARIOUS.
@Deurb1: She sent me a text saying she wearing something special for me... but every time I ask her what, she says ~ Nothing.