@BestWorstAdvice: Roosters are just edible alarm clocks
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@Reverend_Scott: Police: We'd like u to come with us to answer some questions about ur husband's disappearance. Mrs. Potato Head eating french fries: why?
@TheBoydP: If you don’t believe in evolution how do you explain such striking similarities between the doughnut and the bagel?
@TheMichaelRock: CW: It's gonna get cold! Me: You're gonna die. CW: Excuse me? Me: Sorry, I thought we were pointing out the obvious.
@ShawnIzadi: Just overheard a guy say he was buying a MacBook so he doesn't have to worry about the Ebola virus. What.