@Cravin4: Roses are red
Violets aren't ferns
Since I've been with you
When I pee it burns.
@GraceSpelman: My debit card got stolen at the gym which is fine because i will still continue to go so that I can train to fight the person who stole it
@KalvinMacleod: Fog is like lingerie for the sky.
@215potter: Thank god my brother's getting his PhD, I was running out of ways to disappoint my parents.
@just1fool: 5: "Why is the moon so bright?"
Me: "It's not, it's pretty dim actually."
Moon: "I heard that."
@Fred_Delicious: [Girlfriend looks at me in disgust]
"Did u just propose using emojis?"
"Technically its called a propoji, but yes"
[She's already gone]