@Cravin4: Roses are red
Violets aren't ferns
Since I've been with you
When I pee it burns.
@markedly: Mafia Boss: You wearin' a wire?
Me: "Wire" you asking me that? lol get it
[the rest of this tweet takes place on the bottom of a river]
@AlexEllisdon: If I was in charge of SWAT I'd change the name to the "Special Weapons And Grenades" team just so police would have to radio in for SWAG
@Cravin4: My top 5 yoga positions
5 Napping Warrior
4 Downward Spiral
3 Crying Plank
2 Farting Tree
1 Drunk Hasselhoff
@tchrquotes: I always take a different store's tote bags when I go grocery shopping so they don't get the idea we're exclusive or anything.