@Cravin4: Roses are red
Violets aren't ferns
Since I've been with you
When I pee it burns.
@Sassafrantz: If I'm ever reincarnated I hope I get to be a bear because I'll be like "stop playing dead, I used to be human. That shits not gonna work!"
@AmishPornStar1: Wife: Did you eat an ENTIRE half-gallon of ice cream?!?!
Me: It was getting freezer-burned.
W: I just bought it today!
Me: Crazy freezer.
@rolldiggity: 1. Tattoo "I'M WATCHING YOU" on your shaved head.
2. Grow hair and wait for daughter's boyfriend to come over.
3. Shave head in front of him
@JermHimselfish: People who make up phrases and try to pass them off as popular sayings are just throwing meat to the monkeys in the middle of a maelstrom.
@KeetPotato: "i said make him fetch"
"what have you done"
he looks pretty fetching to me
*dog in shirt & tie*
does he have a job interview or somet