@rudy_mustang: how would water even break? it's a liquid. im not sure i want to have a baby with a liar sharon

@shanethevein: Women have all the answers to all your questions.nnnAnd you don't even have to ask.

@Home_Halfway: JOSH: Hey dad DAD: Oh my god is your name still Josh JOSH: Um yeah DAD: We're changing it JOSH: No please don- DAD: It's done ERIC: What the

@shutupmikeginn: The fact that they call it the Food Pyramid and not Food Triangle implies it has at least two other sides. So maybe this much taffy is OK

@jonnysun: ME: [in santa costume, covered in chimney soot] that was hard. how does santa do it WIFE: well santas not real, hun ME: [drops cookie] WHAT