@kimmie_1980: Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that Im typing this with my middle finger.

@Jacksawyerr: Sorry I dropped your baby and tried to catch it with my foot.

@halvewit: I think my neighbor is very sick. I have now seen him putting no less than six of his arms in his garbage over the past year.

@robfee: Worst things the parents do in Home Alone: 3. Never punish Buzz 2. Forget one of their kids 1. Try to make everyone drink milk with pizza

@Kim_pulsive: There is no way to differentiate between the screams you hear from mass murder, passengers on a plane going down and 5 Tweens seeing a bug