@Cravin4: Roses are red
Violets aren't ferns
Since I've been with you
When I pee it burns.
@McKnightyBoo: [Hires Skywriter]
I DON'T OVERREACT
@3sunzzz: [trust fall exercise at work]
CW: *closes eyes, falls, hits floor* OUCH! WTF?! YOU DIDN'T CATCH ME!
M: Sorry, I thought it was optional.
@shutupmikeginn: Everyday I walk to work by a Ferrari dealership, put my nose against the etched glass window and say, "someday I'll own a window this nice."
@Parkerlawyer: Client, "I should have known this marriage was going to fail when he hid my engagement ring in a gas station taquito."
@_ElvishPresley_: whoa whoa whoa we both like to laugh?!
*pretends hand is a telephone*
"Hello, Las Vegas? One marriage, please!"