@Twisted_Mettle: RUN FOREST!!! RUN!!! But the trees just stood there. Frozen with fear. In the end, the flames consumed them all.
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@shawnspree: Me: (Insert inspirational quote here) Wife: Wow. That's deep, who said that? Me: I did. Didn't you hear me speak just now?
@mommy_cusses: Parenting Tip: Wear clothing with pockets so you can flip off your children inconspicuously.
@LeonEarlgrey: baby proofing your house is easy, just lock your doors. There's no way they could get in unless there were like hundreds of them or somthing
@crunchenhanced: I like my women how I like my microwaved food. Hot as hell on the outside and cold as ice on the inside.