@Twisted_Mettle: RUN FOREST!!! RUN!!! But the trees just stood there. Frozen with fear. In the end, the flames consumed them all.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old daughter: Barbie is mad at Ken. *pushes their faces together* Me: Did they kiss and make up? 5: No. She headbutted him.
@SingleGirlAlert: Nowhere is it more evident That the middle finger IS a suitable mode of communication Than when driving to work
@UncleDuke1969: Government Shutdown: Day 4 3am: Monkey House, National Zoo A door crashes open. A triumphant screech. Ben Stiller escapes into the night.