@007Rex_Inc: *Running late
*Light turns green but car in front wont go
*About to honk when reads bumper sticker: honk if you love disco
*Is late for work
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@robdelaney: Families that do Christmas card photo shoots months before Christmas have the organizational skills of high-level Nazis.
@RedemptionAJ: Why is there no volume control on the microwave? Must it always wake the entire house when I'm trying to quietly nuke the last of the pizza?
@VenisVal: It's easier to compliment a woman when you're traveling with a toddler. "Son, say hi to the beautiful lady with the piercing green eyes."
@ItsAndyRyan: "Two messages, Sir. First, your tea has run out" "Correct English is 'you've run out of tea'. What else?" "You've walked out of wife"
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