@Rich_McCarthy: *Salesman smashes through window into living room* Evening, folks. Are you in the market for a new window?
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@ShawnIzadi: Walked into the bathroom and it sounded like someone was powerlifting in one of the stalls. That, or an exorcism.
@eminmien: You should never text and drive. All it takes is one moment of distraction and suddenly everyone in the group chat thinks you can't spell.
@Tylerosis: There's only two types of people in the world; people who think they can categorize everything, and people who are not morons.
@LorieGZ: My family seemed kinda happy that the rice I made yesterday fell on the floor before I could serve it tonight.