@Rich_McCarthy: *Salesman smashes through window into living room* Evening, folks. Are you in the market for a new window?
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@blondecalamity: Invention: When your heart stops beating, your smartphone and laptop instantaneously explode. PATENT PENDING!!
@shatterpants: I hate when I wake up at night, look at the clock and go right back to sleep. Essentially my body is just waking me up to do math.
@DeanB15: Kim Kardashian compared getting through her divorce was like beating cancer. Except cancer is real. She should compare her stupidity to it.