@Rich_McCarthy: *Salesman smashes through window into living room* Evening, folks. Are you in the market for a new window?
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@Spaced_Cowboy00: I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.
@NotARatsAss: My father could have the original copy of the Declaration of Independence on the counter, and still make a meatball sandwich over top of it.