@TheMichaelRock: Sarcasm is like hitting someone in the face with a bat, but with words.
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@DurtMcHurtt: [intensive care] NURSE: I'll never leave your side, DO YOU HEAR ME?! ME [patient]: wow, I didn't realize how intense the care was here.
@noog: World: Hey check out this sport we made called football. America: *sips beer* Check out this other sport I just made called football.
@Reverend_Scott: I don't understand how people in the Walking Dead are living in the zombie apocalypse and they still look more well rested than I do
@ifuseekamynow: I want to follow you back, really, I do. But the hash tags. My god the hash tags.