@Home_Halfway: Save a horse. Ride a cowboy. Use your best judgment with a centaur.
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@onion_an: Me: I had to take your hamster back to the shop Son: Why [nervous because I accidentally ran him over with a lawnmower] Me: He's a racist
@LuckoftheDraw86: *writes 'amount to something' on bucket list* *crosses it out* *writes 'mount something'* Yeah. That's do-able.
@YoungNobler: Congrats to everyone who just got cast in the new Star Wars movie. The film industry is telling you they think you look like an alien.
@LosLos__: HR: And what would you say is a weakness of yours? Me: Lindt truffles. HR: Me: Dr. Pepper. HR: Me: Redheads....? *winks* HR: Get out.