@Home_Halfway: Save a horse. Ride a cowboy. Use your best judgment with a centaur.
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@_correctomundo: Nephew: What's love? Me: Well, all the women text you except the one you like. And it hurts, so we drink. Sister: Get away from him!
@moiragallaga: First, that jerk cut me off in traffic, then he stole my parking space, and then his stupid car got paint on my key!
@WritePlay: I like that in The Little Mermaid, Ariel & King Triton wouldn't violate a contractual obligation, but they murdered Ursula with a ship.
@causticbob: When the doctor told me I only had six months to live, I killed him violently with his own pencil. Worked a treat. Got me twenty years.