@Home_Halfway: Save a horse. Ride a cowboy. Use your best judgment with a centaur.
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@mlccm: Dear god, please let me have sex at least as often as adobe or java needs an update. Everyday.
@Carmel_Coleman: Had a girl say "I want you to treat me like a virgin" So I sacrificed her to a tiki god and threw her in a volcano.
@pleatedjeans: [filling out birth certificate] Me: we're naming him Greg Doctor who used to be Starbucks barista: [writes "Grork"]