@bourgeoisalien: Saw 8 vasectomy billboards on my 4 hour road trip through Florida yesterday. It's like Florida knows what has to be done to Florida.
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@Jaywoo74: Starting to think my wife might have a tumor. She's had a headache for the past 15 years.
@hippieswordfish: ME: how do u get girls SCUMBAG GUY: gotta brag about the size of ur, ya know...organ [later at the bar] ME: hey baby i got a real big colon
@RorynotRoy: It's annoying how mirrors are always all like, "Hey, c'mere. I wanna show you something gross about you."
@thepunningman: I wear a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.