@bourgeoisalien: Saw 8 vasectomy billboards on my 4 hour road trip through Florida yesterday. It's like Florida knows what has to be done to Florida.
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@SteussieErica: [6 ½ hour car ride] Me: I'm so sick of sitting I can't sit anymore. Also Me: *gets home and immediately sits on couch*
@MarcyLane: When buying baked goods I always ask myself, "are you prepared to eat this in the parking lot?"
@jake_likes_naps: Her: are you single? [flashback to 2011 where I tried to kiss a girl but she turned away and I kissed her cheek] Me: haha idk