@Sassafrantz: Saw a couple wearing surgical masks in public and all I could think was "what do they know that I don't?"
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@Underchilde: I opened Twitter at a red light once, and when I looked up, a week had passed and I was sitting in police impound.
@hell_homer: btw I learned this tonight: DO NOT image search "scrotum" because people only post pictures using a medical name if there's something wrong
@Marlebean: "Say TGIF ONE more time" I say, scowling at my coworker with no children, "Go ahead, say it again."