@MavenofHonor: Saw a deer on my bike but didn't have my phone to take a pic. Hopefully one day he will return my bike tho
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@PinkCamoTO: My walk of shame is just me leaving a party trying to hide a Tupperware container of leftover cake under my hoodie.
@nishadtrivedi: Give a man an axe and he'll kill a person. Teach a man how to incorrectly spray on Axe and he'll kill everyone in a 30-ft radius.
@tastefactory: *cop sees chalk outline on family's driveway* "Damn, a cute bunny was murdered" "No, the kids who live here drew that, the body's over here"