@zachreinert03: Saw a friend really drunk last night so I took his car keys from him. Felt good, he was so drunk I doubt he remembers who stole his car
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@xLiserx: People who buy copious amounts of everything before a blizzard: Is there nothing in your house every other day of the year?
@EndhooS: "Come on now, I'm sure that Megatron isn't such a bad guy when you get to know him..." - Optimist Prime.
@LizHackett: I could host an elegant dinner party, but I don't know enough people with simmering tension over long-held secrets to make it worthwhile.
@ibid78: *shaves 'I ❤ Dogs' into my chest hair for the Westminster Dog Show but just as I take my shirt off a car full of cats rolls up*