@zachreinert03: Saw a guy smoking while pumping gas & at first glance thought 'wow that's not safe' & at second glance thought 'wow that guy's on fire'
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@jimmytorosian: Simon: I wrote a song Garfunkel: *reads lyrics* Garfunkel: "I am a rock. I am an island" dude I'm like right here. I thought we were friends
@justabloodygame: A cemetery foreman discovers that his employees cremated a body he explicitly told them to bury. "You've made a grave mistake!" He fumes.