@zachreinert03: Saw a sticker that said "my son was an honor student". I almost got sad, but then I thought maybe he's not dead, maybe he's just stupid now
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@WhatevaConc: If you're wearing sunglasses & it's not at all sunny out, you can't get offended when I grab your arm to guide you safely across the street.
@KatieKatCubs: My dad likes to come to my office & tell the receptionist he's my parole officer in case you were wondering how I turned out like this.
@thepunningman: "Why do you wanna work at Clickbait Enterprises?" Here's 10 reasons why I should get the job "ok" Number 7 will shock you "You're hired"
@truegritrumble: NORTH CAROLINA:We believe in family values. ME:Like Disney movies? NC:Exactly. ME:Like Mulan, where a cross dresser saves China? NC:...