@CMHorrocks: Saw @justinbieber on a piece of toast. Am I going to hell?
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@darth__mouth: hey teens ! if you think you're angry now, just wait until you have to spend your own money on toilet paper.
@Home_Halfway: KIDNAPPER: Get in the trunk ME: You're abducting me 4 days before Christmas? K: Heh yep ME: Omg thank you K: What ME: I'm all yours K: Wait
@lianamaeby: The woman seated next to me wanted to know if San Francisco is near the water. I replied, "What's water?" so she wouldn't feel stupid.
@JonnyStallone: Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.