@botsalot: Say no to drugs, kids. Wait until your thirties when you really need them.
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@2tickytacky: I remember when "Something's eating up data." meant that guy from Star Trek was deeply troubled.
@SarahFemme: The quickest way to find out the time is to order a beer at breakfast with your mother.
@HairyJew4Life: The doctor just told my girlfriend and I that the baby is coming early. Like father, like son.
@Sean_Burgundy_: Her: Why did you cancel your gym membership? Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with