@botsalot: Say no to drugs, kids. Wait until your thirties when you really need them.
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@CloydRivers: Hey ladies, No Shave November ain't for you. Just saw some gal lookin' like she was tryin' to smuggle a cactus in her yoga pants. Merica.
@richardosman: My daughter is in China and sends me photos of mis-translations. This is my new favourite.
@TheCiscoKidder: I'm convinced that my wife took 9 years of education at 3 different colleges just to win all the arguments for the rest of my life.
@bigmacher: #MyRoommateIsWeird she keeps having babies and making me take care of them. She also insists I call her 'Wife'