@mattyglesias: Say what you will about Fidel Castro, at least he didn't use a private email server.
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@garrydavenport: Next time my 5 y/o says "Daddy, guess what?", I'm going to refuse to let her continue until I can actually guess, even if it takes 7 years.
@bazecraze: If you're thinking of getting a hairless cat, go the extra mile and get a catless cat.
@candace_9871: It's like my Mom used to say, always keep a positive pregnancy test around in case you need to ruin a man's life.
@notorious_stars: My girlfriend looks super hot without glasses. That's why I stopped Wearing them