@mattyglesias: Say what you will about Fidel Castro, at least he didn't use a private email server.
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@Reverend_Scott: [wedding reception] DAVE IS HAVIN A SEIZURE Paramedic: How long has he been having convulsions? IDK HE'S WHITE, I THOUGHT HE WAS DANCING
@laurenlapkus: I'm not kidding Santa is waiting outside my house til it's "late enough" to go down my chimney
@Parkerlawyer: Listening to my husband's gorilla snoring and contemplating if I could record it and sell to the FBI as an alternative to waterboarding.
@panmidwest: [end of long conversation] HER: let me give you my number ME: great! [forgot name] how do you spell your name? HER: ME: HER: k-i-m ME: