@DumbConfessions: Saying "excape "makes me wanna stab you in the "exophagus".
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@SlipCarefully: To avoid looking at the glass as half empty or full, i drink straight from the bottle.
@clindsaysway: Just finished reading the Declaration of Independence to my kids, and they went to live with their dad
@TheDailySchmuck: I'm black. I should be able to stick my finger in milk and make it chocolate milk. But evolution is bogus.
@Rollinintheseat: An app that tells you if there’s anyone at the grocery store you’ll have to make small talk with.