@DumbConfessions: Saying "excape "makes me wanna stab you in the "exophagus".
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@VampireIguana: Adam: Eve, you read the terms and conditions before using that Apple product right? Eve: Uh yeah, totally
@dafloydsta: FRIEND: Women like a little danger. ME: Okay. [later on date] HER: So where are we- ME: *opening door of moving car* Get out. NOW.
@WritePlay: *Dino-Jesus preaching to the dinosaurs* "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." *Asteroid crushes Earth* "Dammit Dad."