@whereami18: Saying no thanks to a CW's offer to hit me with their car so I could take the day off proves decisions shouldn't be made before coffee
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@ThePocketJustin: Police:Is there anything you can tell us about your attacker. Me:He was much better at fighting than me. Police:Ok is there anything else?
@KeetPotato: [24hr news channel] news just in.. *director repeats himself into headset* news justin *justin just sits there* READ THE NEWS JUSTIN
@jasonroeder: When you're accused of buying someone a gift last-minute at Walgreens, don't reveal you actually went to Walgreens a month ago.