@whereami18: Saying no thanks to a CW's offer to hit me with their car so I could take the day off proves decisions shouldn't be made before coffee
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@QwertyJones3: "This shirt that the team was wearing smells disgusting. I need to find an appropriate state to name it after." -Inventor of the jersey
@david8hughes: [phone rings] "Is your refrigerator running?" *looks over at fridge holding a lighter up to a spoon* "I don't know what he's doing anymore."
@DelilahSmashbox: I almost wish the guy I'm stalking would find me and call the cops. These bushes are scratchy and my legs are cramping.