@timk927: Saying someone is doing something "like a boss" to me is an insult because my boss does things half assed & incorrectly then blames others
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@AtticusFinch79: Me: Babe, can you zip this for me? Him: That's an inflatable sumo suit. Me: I'm flying United today. Him: Don't forget your helmet.
@moose_chocolate: *man invents wheel* "How can we possibly improve this?" *Man invents wheel of cheese* "Nailed it!"
@mjkspeaks: [arguing with friend about chemistry] *cop walks up* do we have a problem here? Me: No. We will find a solution once you argon, officer.