@Loli_Sug: Schools should teach kids how to balance a checkbook & basic car maintenance & how to hide a drinking problem. Regular life stuff ya know.
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@DelilahSmashbox: I almost wish the guy I'm stalking would find me and call the cops. These bushes are scratchy and my legs are cramping.
@flashember: [Cop questioning suspected watermelon thief] COP: *squints* Was it you? GIRAFFE (who has watermelon-sized bulge halfway down his neck): Nope
@TheAlexNevil: My wife's celebrity "free pass" is Paul Rudd, and mine is my wife because yah right like I'm gonna walk into *that* propeller blade.