@yaboybillnye: SCIENCE FACT: if you took all of the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
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@BryMastas: Someday, I wish Twitter will come up with a new & useful feature for once, like a sarcasm indicator for the ones who never get it.
@iTomFoolery: If it was the choice between having the last pizza on earth or the last sex on earth, which toppings would you have on your pizza.
@JoParkerBear: My brain forces me to relive traumatic moments over and over and over and over, but it won't tell me where I left my laptop charger.
@JustDontBugMe: Me: *carrying a heavy bag* Him: Whoa, take it easy. Let me help. M: I’m OK. I'm a strong, independent person. I don't need help. [seconds later] M: *crying* I CAN'T FEEL MY FINGERS!