@TheEllenShow: Scientists found there may not be as many benefits to flossing as we thought. Guess none of them have ever been to a party with spinach dip.
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@cbdoubleu: Jeopardy] Alex: This floats your boat. Me [buzzing in]: What is buoyancy? Alex: I'm sorry. The answer we were looking for is, Whatever.
@KindOfASmartass: It really annoys me when people who barely know you want to become Facebook friends, like an old classmate or someone you've slept with
@Rollmaninoz: [date] Date: I thought your Tinder profile said you were a gym owner Me *eating a hotdog and scanning for Pokemon*: yes that's correct