@Ygrene: Scientists now believe that approx 2% of Earth's water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
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@smilely_gal: With my pasty white skin, ample curves, & hatred of manual labor, I would have dominated the 16th century.
@Quartzjixler: I requested the number 867-5309 from my cellular provider because I like being annoyed to the point of rage.
@jimmytorosian: *phone rings* Wife: "Quick! Pretend I'm not in!" Me (a dad): "Hello. Yes my wife is here. Hey, Not In. It's for you." Wife: "...."
@mattgallo123: Whenever I'm drinking gatorade and wearing gym clothes I wonder if people think I'm exercising or if they know I'm hungover on laundry day.