@Ygrene: Scientists now believe that approx 2% of Earth's water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
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@ch000ch: JUDGE: i sentence you to life in prison MY LAWYER WHO IS A HOUSE FLY: nice that's only like 11 days
@iLikeCatShirts: You'd be surprised at all the discounts you get when you come in swinging a sword!
@AlexvanBeek: Murder is like art, as long as you can bullshit your way into justifying it, someone out there will be like "oh yeah, I totally get it."
@Discourt: For a tiny person unable to wipe herself after she poops, my toddler has managed to hit me dead in the eyeball with 4 things today.