@Ygrene: Scientists now believe that approx 2% of Earth's water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
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@TheToxicWaster: My wife said she wants a divorce for valentines day. I wasn't planning to spend that much..
@DanMentos: [first date] *emptying jar of coins into coinstar* "almost done" so where are we going after this? "what"
@MiddleageM: This lady just licked her finger and wiped her daughters face... <--Hands her some Listerine and gets in line to be cleaned
@david8hughes: [in church] "And Jesus, our saviour, died on the cross for your sins." [vicar points directly at me & entire congregation collectively nods]