@vineyille: [screaming over sirens] I SAID ACTUALLY YOU'RE NOT "FIGHTING" THE FIRE YOU'RE WATERING IT
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@zachreinert03: Every time I see the headline 'tragedy on film set' I think oh god m knight shymalan is making another goddamn movie
@_davidlucas_: Daddy! Tell me a story.. The Tooth Fairy is really a wicked witch, who takes all your teeth if you sleep with your mouth open. Good night.
@causticbob: I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago. Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.