@vineyille: [screaming over sirens] I SAID ACTUALLY YOU'RE NOT "FIGHTING" THE FIRE YOU'RE WATERING IT
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@UncleDuke1969: Daughter: Here you go! Me: You're my favorite. Son: Yesterday, you said I was your favorite! Me: Yesterday, you were closest to the remote.
@Mothpete: I just sprayed hair glitter onto a fly instead of insect spray. Not dead... but pretty fly.
@genehunter1: What kind of name for a storm is "Debby?" Hurricanes should have names like "Satan" No one should have their house destroyed by "Heather."