@RadBadger: Screw your Twitter Crushes and Twitter Husbands and Twitter Nemeses. I want a Twitter Penguin. I want a pet penguin, but only on Twitter.
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@VerbsRProudest: I'm at doc's office & they have 3 designated areas: flu like symptoms, stomach virus symptoms, & kids. I don't want to catch any of the 3.
@ashmensch: That's me, I'm the coroner, That's me with the sharp knife, Removing all your organs.
@JosesLovesYou: So Nicolas Cage and John Travolta walk into a bar and the bartender says "hey, why the wrong face?"