@RadBadger: Screw your Twitter Crushes and Twitter Husbands and Twitter Nemeses. I want a Twitter Penguin. I want a pet penguin, but only on Twitter.
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@Tups13: The laminator is a device that sounds a lot more dangerous to baby sheep than it actually is.
@joci2203: "Mommy when I grow up, I want to be a shoe" -straight up killin' it at this parenting thing
@TheCatWhisprer: Starting a diet is a lot like starting a lawn mower, you struggle and sweat and end up on the couch eating ice cream with your shirt off.