@PastorBate: Sea cucumbers are actually animals, so regular cucumbers are either lying or they need to step their game up.
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@PortRooster: Due to a tragic "iTunes on shuffle" incident, I have had to convince the guys at work that I have a 12yr old daughter they have never met...
@bulls_horns: 25% of twitter users are on medication for mental illness, which means 75% are running around untreated.
@HiddleDeeDee: I accidentally flushed a public toilet with my hand instead of my foot. I may be dying now.