@timdonakowski: *Searches “Yahoo” on Yahoo until Yahoo has an orgasm*
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@DatManGood: My kid: "I want the new iPad like my friends, everyone has them" Me: "And I want to vacation in Hawaii..disappointing day all around huh?"
@CountGripsnatch: *maintains eye contact with coworker while licking a yogurt lid for seventeen minutes*
@Jennifergr8: I'm beginning to think some of you are not your Avi's, which makes me sad. I thought I had a unicorn and dinosaur friend.