@timdonakowski: *Searches “Yahoo” on Yahoo until Yahoo has an orgasm*
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@Brampersandon_: FIREMAN: this blaze is out of control ME: sometimes you gotta fight fire with fire F: what? No M: *already brandishing a flamethrower*
@hammbone84: MY ROOMBA IS SOMEHOW LOOSE OUTDOORS AND I'M TERRIFIED OF THE CONSEQUENCES FOR THE ECOSYSTEM AS IT HAS NO NATURAL PREDATORS.
@nd_L_: If only the person that named “walkie talkies” had been in charge of naming so many more household objects.
@DannyZuker: Thank you for saying, "I'm just being honest" after that horrible thing you just said. I feel better now that I know you meant it.