@AcerbicSuburban: Secretly adding a tablespoon of butter to everything he eats is my long-term exit plan.
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@CorkyKneivel: GUY: Sorry you two broke up. What happened? ME: Well, like most things, it can be traced to the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand...
@JennyJohnsonHi5: No matter how adorable you think your young son is, it's best you not refer to him as a "lady killer", it might end up being true.