@AcerbicSuburban: Secretly adding a tablespoon of butter to everything he eats is my long-term exit plan.
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@PuncherJetpack: I've been stealing retainers and throwing them in a swamp so that in 1000 or so year archeologists think it's an ancient nerd burial ground
@64spoons: Know when to holdem *Pick up panties Know when to foldem *Fold em Know when to walk away *Leave laundromat Know when to run *Girl chasing me
@Jabba_Jabba_Jaw: Me to Dr: I have no energy lately. Dr: you need to exercise more Me:... Dr:... Me: Let's start this again.
@abhorrent_wife: Sometimes I have my shit together, sometimes I eat an unidentified white substance out of my hair and am grateful when it's frosting.