@AcerbicSuburban: Secretly adding a tablespoon of butter to everything he eats is my long-term exit plan.
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@trojansauce: *in the corridor of the club waiting for my transitions lenses to turn back into glasses* i'll see you ladies inside
@carlyken: Whoa I'm floating! Am I...dead? "No it's a dream" What a relief! Wait. Who said that? Grim Reaper: (mutters) shit Uh nobody go back to sleep
@Mr_Bucky: My weird paranoid neighbor, shreds all her mail and closes all the shades. But never locks her basement window.
@juliussharpe: Gotta be careful. My astrologer just warned me someone pretending to predict the future would steal my money.