@junejuly12: Seeing a woman drinking, smoking, and gambling while in her wedding dress makes me realize I need to up my multi-tasking game.
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@offbeatoliv: When skiing it's always good to keep a photo i.d. on you in case they need to identify the body.
@Lexxivy: If your boyfriend is ever about to break up with you, yell "what about the baby!" You'll be in a relationship for at least another 5 minutes
@seanoconnz: THIS IS MY LOCKER ROOM TALK GUY: Hey, do you know if they supply towels here? ME: Please don't look at me, my shirt is off.
@Roweboat13G: I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.