@wolfpupy: (sees someone doing a texas chainsaw massacre) um can you not
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@PsychoCesc: The awkward moment when someone's zipper is down & you don't know whether to tell, because you can't explain why you were looking that low.
@ScottLinnen: Filed a restraining order against Starbucks. Creepy. Every time I turn around, there they are.
@ArfMeasures: [After performing the Dirty Dancing lift at our wedding] ME: Well that sure impressed them! WIFE [gasping for breath] You're getting heavier