@wolfpupy: (sees someone doing a texas chainsaw massacre) um can you not
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@Reverend_Scott: Satan: "Waaazzz up?" God: "Speak of the Devil." Satan: "Really?" God: "Sorry, figure of speech." Satan: "Jesus Christ." Jesus: "What?"
@dril: my disrespectful teen son somehow got hold of a gluten product and now he wants to become a cat girl
@stockejock: You look so perfect standing there, In my American Apparel underwear, But I know now you probably opened the wrong Christmas present grandma
@Canadian_Cutie_: My voicemail greeting: Its 2016, please hang up and text me before the beep so I don't get a notification.