@wolfpupy: (sees someone doing a texas chainsaw massacre) um can you not
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@Tommytoughstuff: [getting an x-ray] TECHNICIAN: Quit putting that box of chocolates on your chest. ME: Just tell me which ones are coconut.
@weinerdog4life: The instructions for this tent is just a picture of a husband yelling at his wife, that's weird.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Where were you supposed to poop? 2-year-old: The potty. Me: So why didn’t you? 2: I’m too busy.