@twylaredsun: Sending a second cup of coffee down to check on the first one to see why it's not doing its job
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@stephenjmolloy: Me with megaphone: "COME DOWN FROM THERE. YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR." Man: "I'm fixing your roof tiles, remember?" Me: "I FORGOT!"
@Heartblakekid15: Roommate: hey blake I just bought this whiskey wanna explain why it's half empty? Me: cause you're a pessimist!