@twylaredsun: Sending a second cup of coffee down to check on the first one to see why it's not doing its job
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@david8hughes: [first day as homicide detective] Cop: any signs of forced entry? Me: yeah, a bullet somehow forced its way through his face & into his head
@1CleverGirl1: If you care about someone, even a little bit. I beg of you. Please. TELL THEM WHEN THEY HAVE SOMETHING IN THEIR TEETH.
@kiel_phillips: INTERVIEWER: I'm sorry, I don't think you're really suited for the role of librarian BRIAN BLESSED: WHY NOT?
@eXentRic_: Excuse me waiter, I'm in a bit of a hurry, do you have something that has already been Instagrammed?